Nonviolent Communication in Organizations: The Key to Effective Collaboration
Effective communication-that elusive holy grail of relationship building, collaborative efficiency, and shared goal achievement-remains as crucial in our professional lives as in our personal ones. We speak of it constantly, search for its methods, emphasize its importance in recruitment, daily team operations, negotiations...
And yet, we still encounter obstacles, misunderstandings, and tensions. These often lead to conflicts that are not easy to resolve. In such situations, it's worth seeking a style of communication that fosters mutual understanding. At the same time, it's important to avoid cold rationalization and objectification, as these are often perceived as dismissing or invalidating emotions that feel real and significant to those involved.
But what if we start using this kind of communication precisely in moments of tension and conflict? It might become a habit and help us avoid escalating misunderstandings more often. Over time, it could even prevent conflicts from growing altogether.
One approach that can help elevate conversations to a deeper level of understanding is Nonviolent Communication. Also known as NVC or "compassionate communication," this method helps create mutual clarity and connection — even in difficult moments.
Nonviolent Communication – some background
The creator of the NVC model is Marshall Rosenberg, an American psychologist. In the 1960s, he developed a concept of communication that eliminates broadly understood violence from everyday conversations. Rosenberg observed that many conflicts don’t stem from differences in opinion. Their root lies in the inability to express one’s needs in a way that doesn’t hurt the other person. Often, it’s also about avoiding the invalidation of someone else’s emotions or needs. That’s why Nonviolent Communication has grown into a global movement, used in education, mediation, psychotherapy, business, and the resolution of social conflicts.
What NVC is?
Nonviolent Communication is a method that encourages empathetic listening. At the same time, it teaches how to honestly express one’s own feelings and needs. The goal of NVC is to support a style of communication that helps build relationships based on understanding and respect. However, it’s not about avoiding conflict. Since conflicts are a natural part of any relationship, they cannot be completely eliminated. The point is to create a communication space where conflicts can be resolved in a peaceful and constructive way.
- Empathy: Actively listening to understand others' feelings and needs.
- Authenticity: Honestly expressing our own feelings and needs without judgment or criticism.
- Mutual respect: Treating conversation partners with dignity and acknowledging their perspective.
- Avoiding Verbal Violence: Relinquishing judgment, criticism, and manipulation in favor of constructive dialogue.
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The process unfolds through four essential components:
- 1. Observation: Objective perception of the situation without judgment or interpretation. Rosenberg emphasizes that communication should be free from evaluations. Judgments are often subjective interpretations of reality. Example: instead of saying “X is a bad football player,” it is better to refer to facts. You can say: “X hasn’t scored a goal in the last 10 matches.” Or: “X’s statistics place him at the bottom of the league ranking.”
- 2. Feelings: Acknowledging and expressing emotions connected to the situation.
- 3. Needs: Identifying unmet needs underlying those feelings.
- 4. Requests: Formulating concrete, positive requests arising from the dialogue that consider both parties' needs – distinctly different from demands.
"I feel” and „I need”
In practice, points 2 and 3 (feelings and needs) form a simple mental exercise. It’s worth using it as often as possible – even in the quiet of your own awareness.
It helps build the habit of thinking and speaking about emotions using a simple formula:
“I feel…, because I need…”.
This approach makes it easier to understand and express one’s needs. It is especially helpful for people who struggle to identify emotions and the needs behind them. Although the formula may seem simple, it can lead to surprising insights. Sometimes it reveals complex “tangles” of emotions and interconnections. Regularly reflecting on these emotions in a personal context helps to understand them more clearly. It also increases empathy — both toward oneself and others.
It also helps to understand how complex these “tangles” of emotions and needs can be in others. Especially in people we want to communicate and collaborate with on a daily basis. To better understand another person during a conversation, it’s helpful to ask a simple question: “Do you feel… because you need…?” This question supports empathetic listening. It also helps build strong, understanding-based relationships.
It’s also important to be prepared for the possibility that our assumption might be incorrect. We should communicate this clearly and listen to the response with understanding — even if it doesn’t align with our interpretation of the situation.
Although we don’t always have the space — especially at work — to analyze every emotion and need related to a conflict, it’s still worth trying. The very willingness to listen to and understand the other person benefits the relationship. In the long run, it also supports better collaboration.
Requests
Requests should be as specific as possible. They should also focus on positive action, not negative prohibitions. It’s important not to confuse a request with a demand. If we’re asking for something, we must give the other person the right to say no — without negative consequences. This also applies to emotional reactions, such as taking offense when someone refuses.
A person making a genuine request (and not, for example, a formal order disguised as a request) should be prepared for the outcome. Both emotionally and mentally — for the possibility of refusal or follow-up questions. Requests phrased negatively, such as “stop doing that,” are hard to receive. They are often unclear and difficult to act on. That’s why it’s important for requests to be clearly stated and well justified.
Many people find it easier to accept and respond to a request when they understand the reason behind it. It also helps to know what might improve as a result — in the relationship, in the project, or even in the requester’s situation. Additionally it helps to understand how change may lead to a better outcome for the person receiving the request.
NVC: Jackal and Giraffe Language
Rosenberg introduced two powerful metaphors to illustrate contrasting communication styles: "jackal language" and "giraffe language".
Photo by Etan J. Tal (CC BY-SA 3.0)
Jackal Language
Giraffe Language
Some Examples
Jackal Language (Judgment and Criticism):
"I don't understand why you can't complete this task on time! You always leave everything until the last minute, causing delays for everyone."
Giraffe Language (Empathy and Needs):
"When I notice the task isn't completed by the deadline (observation), I feel anxious (feeling) because meeting our timelines and working efficiently together matters deeply to me (needs). Could you share what makes completing this task on schedule difficult for you? (request) Perhaps I might assist in resolving whatever obstacles you're facing."
or, if you’d like to address a broader issue:
“When I see that tasks are not being completed on time (observation), I feel increasing anxiety and helplessness (feelings). That’s because it’s important to me that we meet deadlines and collaborate efficiently (needs). Do you know what’s making it difficult for you to deliver tasks on time? Can you tell me about it? Maybe we could take a moment sometime soon to talk about it? I’d like to understand what’s going on and try to find some solutions together (requests). Maybe I can help?”
And what’s the point of all this? A Summary
It’s worth emphasizing again that Nonviolent Communication (NVC) works well in many areas of life. In relationships with children, it helps build a deep bond based on respect and mutual understanding. NVC supports the development of a strong personality. It also makes it easier for both children and adults to express emotions, needs, and expectations. It teaches empathy and mindful response.
In medicine, NVC is also applicable. Doctors who use this method improve communication with patients and better understand their needs. As a result, the quality of care increases. At the same time, the level of stress and anxiety related to diagnoses or treatment is reduced.
This approach is also highly effective in personal relationships. It helps build authentic connections based on understanding and honesty. NVC reduces the influence of social and cultural patterns that often lead to so-called silent assumptions, such as: “Since she’s a woman, she probably needs X,” or “He must want Y because he’s a man.” NVC shows that it’s better to talk and ask questions rather than make assumptions.
Regular practice of NVC helps you better understand yourself and respect the needs and emotions of others. This approach supports the building of harmonious and fulfilling relationships. Moreover, improved interpersonal connections can also have a positive effect on health — including physical well-being.
Nonviolent Communication is also effective in the workplace. It improves team communication and boosts collaboration efficiency. Consistent use of NVC helps build a work culture based on mutual respect. It allows for identifying needs not only during conflicts but also the hidden ones that influence daily decisions made by team members. Sometimes, these are the reasons why someone chooses to work in a specific industry — or motivations for seeking new opportunities.
In summary, NVC can benefit everyone — whether you are a leader, teacher, doctor, employee, or team member. Implementing this model supports the development of healthier, more harmonious, and more productive relationships — both at work and in personal life.
If you’d like to learn more about Nonviolent Communication, I recommend listening to:
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