Nonviolent Communication in Organizations: The Key to Effective Collaboration
Effective communication-that elusive holy grail of relationship building, collaborative efficiency, and shared goal achievement-remains as crucial in our professional lives as in our personal ones. We speak of it constantly, search for its methods, emphasize its importance in recruitment, daily team operations, negotiations...
And yet, we repeatedly encounter barriers, misunderstandings, and tensions that often escalate into conflicts not easily resolved. In these fraught moments, it becomes invaluable to discover a communication approach that fosters mutual understanding without resorting to cold rationalization that so often feels like a dismissal of emotions tied to the core issues. hat if we could employ such methods during moments of tension and conflict?
Perhaps they might become second nature, allowing us to increasingly prevent misunderstandings before they compound into full-blown confrontations.
One such approach that elevates conversations to new heights of mutual comprehension and clarity is what scholars call Nonviolent Communication (NVC), also known as "compassionate communication.
Nonviolent Communication – some background
The Essence of Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Communication is an approach that encourages us to listen with empathy while honestly expressing our own feelings and needs. The aim of NVC is to foster a style of communication that builds relationships grounded in mutual understanding and respect. The goal is not to avoid conflict –since conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship – but rather to create a communicative space where differences can be addressed in a peaceful and constructive manner.
NVC rests on four fundamental principles:
- Empathy: Actively listening to understand others' feelings and needs.
- Authenticity: Honestly expressing our own feelings and needs without judgment or criticism.
- Mutual respect: Treating conversation partners with dignity and acknowledging their perspective.
- Avoiding Verbal Violence: Relinquishing judgment, criticism, and manipulation in favor of constructive dialogue.
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The process unfolds through four essential components:
- 1. Observation: bjectively perceiving situations without evaluation or interpretation. Rosenberg emphasizes that communication should be free from judgments, which often represent subjective reality interpretations. Example: Instead of saying, “X is a bad soccer player,” one should say, “X hasn’t scored a goal in the last 10 matches,” or “X’s statistics place him at the bottom of the league rankings.”
- 2. Feelings: Acknowledging and expressing emotions connected to the situation.
- 3. Needs: Identifying unmet needs underlying those feelings.
- 4. Requests: Formulating concrete, positive requests arising from the dialogue that consider both parties' needs – distinctly different from demands.
In practice, steps 2 and 3 (feelings and needs) form a mental exercise that’s worth returning to as often as possible, even in the privacy of your own thoughts. This helps build the habit of thinking and speaking about your emotions using a simple framework: “I feel…, because I need….” Such an approach makes it easier to understand and express your own needs-even for those who struggle to identify their emotions or the needs behind them. And while the sentence structure itself may seem straightforward, it’s important to remember that it can reveal surprisingly complex tangles of feelings and needs.
Regularly reflecting on these connections in your own life also fosters greater empathy and a deeper understanding of just how intricate and layered the emotional “tangles” of others can be-especially those with whom we interact and seek understanding in our daily lives.
To better understand others in real-life communication, it can be helpful to ask, “Do you feel… because you need…?” This simple question supports empathetic listening and helps build stronger relationships. It’s equally important to remain open-and to clearly communicate-that our assumptions about someone else’s emotions may be off the mark, and to listen with understanding to their response, even if it doesn’t align with our own reading of the situation.
While it’s not always possible-especially in professional settings-to untangle every emotion and need behind a given conflict, our willingness to listen and seek understanding will always benefit our relationships and collaboration.
Requests (asks), meanwhile, should be as specific as possible and framed in terms of positive action, rather than negative prohibitions. It’s crucial not to confuse a request with a demand. If we’re truly making a request, we must give the other person the right to say no-without negative consequences, including emotional ones, such as taking offense if our request is declined.
Someone making a genuine request (not, for instance, a directive disguised as a polite ask) should also be emotionally and mentally prepared for a refusal or for follow-up questions. Requests that are phrased negatively (such as “stop doing that”) can be difficult to understand or act on, so it’s important that they are clearly articulated and well-justified.
Many people also find it easier to accept and act on a request if we help them understand the reasoning behind it-and how responding positively might improve the relationship, the project, or even the situation of the person making the request or the recipient themselves.
NVC: Jackal and Giraffe Language
Rosenberg introduced two powerful metaphors to illustrate contrasting communication styles: "jackal language" and "giraffe language".
Photo by Etan J. Tal (CC BY-SA 3.0)
Jackal Language
Giraffe Language
Some Examples
Jackal Language (Judgment and Criticism):
"I don't understand why you can't complete this task on time! You always leave everything until the last minute, causing delays for everyone."
Giraffe Language (Empathy and Needs):
"When I notice the task isn't completed by the deadline (observation), I feel anxious (feeling) because meeting our timelines and working efficiently together matters deeply to me (needs). Could you share what makes completing this task on schedule difficult for you? (request) Perhaps I might assist in resolving whatever obstacles you're facing."
or, if you’d like to address a broader issue:
“When I see that tasks continue to be delivered late (observation), I feel increasingly anxious and powerless (feelings), because it’s important to me that we meet our deadlines and work together efficiently (needs). Do you know what’s making it difficult for you to deliver on time, and could you share that with me? Perhaps we could set aside some time soon to talk about it, try to understand what’s happening together, and look for solutions? Maybe there’s a way I can help?”
And what’s the point of all this? A Summary
It’s worth emphasizing once again that Nonviolent Communication (NVC) proves effective in many areas of life. In our interactions with children and in their upbringing, NVC helps foster deep bonds built on mutual respect and understanding. It not only supports the development of a strong sense of self in children, but also enables both parents and children to express expectations, emotions, and needs more effectively-and to respond to one another with empathy.
In medicine, when doctors use this approach with patients, NVC can improve the quality of care by making it easier to understand patients’ needs and by reducing the stress and anxiety that often accompany diagnoses and treatment.
It’s also important to remember that Nonviolent Communication is highly effective in our private lives, helping us build deep, authentic relationships rooted in an understanding of true needs-while minimizing the influence of projections and cultural or social assumptions that so often become “silent premises” in our interactions (such as, “My partner is a woman, so she must like or need X,” or, “My partner is a man, so he must want Y”).
By practicing NVC daily, we learn not only to better understand ourselves, but also to more deeply appreciate and respect the feelings and needs of others. This, in turn, opens the door to more harmonious and fulfilling human relationships-and can significantly enhance our overall satisfaction with life (not to mention the positive impact on our physical health).
Nonviolent Communication can be a powerful tool for improving relationships within organizations, thereby increasing both work effectiveness and job satisfaction. When practiced consistently, it helps create a workplace environment in which we not only recognize and respect the needs that surface during conflicts, but also gain insight into the deeper needs and emotions behind our colleagues’ daily decisions-even those that influence their choice of industry or their search for new opportunities in the job market.
Whether you’re a team leader, teacher, doctor, employee, or collaborator in any organization, adopting NVC can help you build more harmonious and productive relationships.
Maybe it’s worth giving it a try today-even if it starts with you, from the ground up?
If you’d like to learn more about Nonviolent Communication, I recommend listening to:
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